no more drinking the crazy juice

M! is amazing. Honestly. I don't think I've dated anyone quite this smart, funny, interesting, ridiculously good looking, etc. We're settling into a relationship and it's quite nice to be friends with a man that completely turns me on.

Hmmm...

You know you're supposed to trust your gut when you feel something is off. Well, something is off with M!. I can't really describe it except he seems to be pulling away. But my gut also tells me that I am PSM-ing hard (slept 10 hours last night, thank you very much!) and I need to just chill. So I need to wait this out but prepare for both scenario's.

6 months later.......

Life has been good. So OldFriendNewCrush is still just an old friend. In fact, he's dating a wonderful woman and I really hope he doesn't lose this one - she's perfect for him!

Mid January - March was what I'll call my "winter fling with an intern." The intern (not MY intern, he was at an accounting firm) and I met and had a fun run at it. But in the end, long distance wasn't in the cards. Mostly my cards, and to be honest, I was getting a bit bored with him. And he was from UT and wanted to settle there. So we had some differing of opinions on life, but we had some fun.

The number one thing that made it a good use of my time was that I got completely out of the bitter phase. I needed a good break-up. As odd at that sounds, I needed a relationship to end that wasn't bitter and angry. So he and I called it a day and I thought, cool. I filled up the canteen and was ready to phone it in on dating for a while. Focus on the career, get back in shape, just enjoy me. Which of course, 6 weeks later brought us to.......

Mid-May: Dating Intern's Roommate. Well, it started off as friends in mid-May. He texted me about playing on a school night, if I knew anyone that would do a concert in SF. I had randomly taken the next day off - so I was game. Well, the club sold out, so the next best thing? Karaoke. Duh. And it's just gone from there. M! and hit it off as friends who had a ton in common. Fast forward to end of June and the friendship has blossomed into something more. I completely adore him. I feel completely adored by him. And I know it's only been a few months but I've been waiting my whole life to feel this way about someone. It's the most indescribable feeling I've ever felt. Maybe he's the anti-asshole I've been waiting for.

The crucial question

And then OldFriendNewCrush asked the question I wasn't sure I was ready to answer:

"Are you over him? "

And thankfully the answer is YES! I am over the Marine. Not over what it could have been, but over him, specifically.

Here's to wishing for more midnight kisses to bring in the new year, surprise phone calls and long hikes on lonely windswept coasts. I think I like him.

Happy haunting.

WYNAA halloween would be muy caliente.

My life is not a romance novel

I just need to talk this out. So I removed The Marine from my IM because quite frankly, I don't want to have to deal with seeing him online and being tempted to say hello, etc. This has been good. I've been moving on, getting over him, kissing other men, etc. And then he IMed me today - guess he hasn't removed me. So he says hello, he's back in Iraq and has to go. Typical short IM conversation - how are you, etc. that we used to have.

And now I hate myself. I don't want to get back into anything with him. My heart did this little pitter patter when I saw the IM was from him. I know he's broken up with the last girlfriend. I know I'd still jump him in a heartbeat. But I do not want to delude myself into thinking I mean something to him. I don't want to just be his pen pal and buddy for when he's overseas. I wanted a real relationship with him, the good, the bad and he walked away. I'm still mad that he walked away. And I'm still an idiot for hoping that this will turn out like some romance novel and he'll admit he was an idiot and fight for me, for us. But this is real life. That is not going to happen.

I've calmed down

I've taken some time to really think about the realtionship with The Marine. I wrote him a long letter, wrote out my feelings, diasappointment, how he broke my heart, etc. and feel much better. And no, I'm not sending it to him. I think I'm going to burn the letter. The conclusion was that I want him to stop being self destructive in realtionships because he deserves to let a good woman love him and really open himself a real realtionship.

And he broke up with Amy. Ha!

Which brings me to another point. I guess that "marry the next girl" curse is broken. I bounced that thoery off a couple of friends who did not like it. One friend, let's call him NavyMan (what can I say? I like 'em in uniform), nearly made me cry. He said he didn't want me thinking of myself as that girl because I'm not and I shouldn't think of myself that way. I wish he'd date me - try as I might - he won't do long-distance, which is sad because I really like him. Have for years.