I just need to talk this out. So I removed The Marine from my IM because quite frankly, I don't want to have to deal with seeing him online and being tempted to say hello, etc. This has been good. I've been moving on, getting over him, kissing other men, etc. And then he IMed me today - guess he hasn't removed me. So he says hello, he's back in Iraq and has to go. Typical short IM conversation - how are you, etc. that we used to have.
And now I hate myself. I don't want to get back into anything with him. My heart did this little pitter patter when I saw the IM was from him. I know he's broken up with the last girlfriend. I know I'd still jump him in a heartbeat. But I do not want to delude myself into thinking I mean something to him. I don't want to just be his pen pal and buddy for when he's overseas. I wanted a real relationship with him, the good, the bad and he walked away. I'm still mad that he walked away. And I'm still an idiot for hoping that this will turn out like some romance novel and he'll admit he was an idiot and fight for me, for us. But this is real life. That is not going to happen.
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